The Birth Control Culture

It was when I was 19 years old that Danny and I began courting, and at some point before marriage, I felt the awkward need to bring up the topic of birth control. I wasn't sure what his feelings were on the topic, and since our first kiss came on our wedding day, it was something that I brought up with much embarrassment. We both just felt something wasn't quite right with it, but we couldn't put our finger on it. I was 19, and Danny and I knew that God had led us together and we were to be married. We didn't see the need in having some long elaborate engagement that could possibly compromise our purity in any way. Why put off God's plan for a bunch of unnecessary details? As I considered birth control, I thought in my mind, "I am only 19, and not ready to have a baby yet! We need a couple of years to be by ourselves before we start a family!" And I explained my side of this to Danny. He was soon on board. I went to a very humiliating OB appointment and was given directions on how to take my pill.

For three months I took the pill without skipping a day. Then one day, through a series of events, I stumbled across some information. I never knew that my very comfort zone was about to be turned upside down. The info I found said that most forms of oral, (and some shot) contraception can cause an abortion. I was appalled by that thought, and dismissed it as nonsense. I started to dig. I read about the means by which my BC worked in the side effects pamphlet that came with it. I read some of a book called, "Does the Birth Control Pill Cause Abortions?" by Dr. Randy Alcorn. Everything I found pointed to yes.

All of the information I came across CLEARLY stated that the way most forms of oral contraception worked, were through 2 mechanisms. The first being a curve in ovulation. Hormones can slow, or curve ovulation to prevent pregnancy. It is not completely stopped, however. The early birth control pills that came out in the 60's nearly stopped ovulation altogether. Many women found this freeing. They had a rude awakening, however, when they stopped burning their bras and engaging in free love, and were finally ready to start a family. They still could not get pregnant. The strong hormones permanently damaged some woman. As I researched, I found that the newer birth controls had a second, follow up mechanism. The pill causes the body to produce a mucus on the uterine lining which can PREVENT AN EGG FROM IMPLANTING. It all came back to me. I remembered the doctor telling me this, only leaving out the egg implanting part. She said something about mucus on the uterine lining, but I had no idea what she was talking about and left quickly to go plan my wedding. It didn't click. The only time an egg is trying to implant is when it is a fertilized embryo. Duh.

I guess I needed to find out for sure. When I had my next Ob appointment, with a local male doc, I clearly asked if the birth control pill causes abortions. His reply: "Well, that is how it works...but plenty of people get pregnant on birth control. If God really wants someone to get pregnant they will." Funny how I didn't even bring up God. Inside I thought, "So now we don't have to submit to the will of God?? We are puppets on a string?" (that is a whole 'nother post)

I felt betrayed and upset. Why wasn't this info told to me before? I, along with most born again Christians, believe life begins with conception. A scripture continually rang in my head.( And my people perish for lack of knowledge.) Turns out that was more literal than I wanted to admit.

After that, we got off of birth control. We talked a lot about the will of God, and how if we had submitted every other part of our lives to Jesus, why would we feel the need to control that one aspect? Was God untrustworthy in that one department, or were we afraid? Afraid of the stance we KNEW God clearly took in scripture, regarding kids? Afraid of letting go of what felt safe, comfortable, and accepted amongst friends and family?? I mean, gee, every house needs it's 2.5 children, or LESS! All of that childhood talk of 4 kids...that was mainly in my pretend world anyway; or was it?

We now knew that taking a form of birth control was not for us. How could it be? After 7 months of marriage, God softened our hearts and we became willing to have a baby, "whenever it happened". It happened the first month. We were blessed and overjoyed to have baby Josiah. He forever changed our lives and perspective. When he was barely over one year old, we decided once again, that if God wanted to give us another one...we too were ready. He did. Along came Isaac...

After about two years, I clearly heard the Lord speak to me in Psalms 127. We had been praying for God's perfect timing in having another child. One night I was up really late praying, and God directed me to Psalm 127:3-5:

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior's hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them! He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates.

After I read the above passage, which I had read many times, I heard the Holy Spirit ask me, "Why are you trying to refuse a blessing that I want to give to you?"

Danny also prayed, and believed God was speaking to us.

There are many extremes amongst the Christian faith about birth control and child planning. I admit I don't have it figured out. There are the quiver full people, who say, "Why should we be afraid of God's timing and planning? If we trust Him, he works out the details."

I believe that- but I also get the willies when I think of having 18 children. Of course, that same group also says it is typical for most people who surrender their family size to God, to end up not being able to conceive except for every 5 years or less. They may have been very fertile and "got pregnant on demand" before, but after they trust God in this area their pregnancies spread way out. Maybe it is like the typical, "I don't want to be a christian because God might send me to Africa" mentality. In actuality, he only sends a few, but he wants all of us to be willing.

Then there is the other extreme, which I feel is by all means incorrect. You know, the "we decide and don't even consult God about our family size" group. When we submitted our lives to Jesus. He should have became Lord. Lord of our dreams. Lord of our future. Lord of everything. If we don't have enough faith in the God of the universe, Creator of all things, to trust that he wants the best for us...what do we really have? What kind of faith is that really?

After all, it isn't our job as Christians to plan out our goals and dreams. We are to seek God's direction in every area of our lives. God doesn't need us to choose the package four years of college, 2 years of marital bliss, a nice home, 2 cars and a boat, and then maybe a child or two, and then say, " Oh! And by the way- please bless all of these plans I have made and use them for your glory, God. " Hey! That might be God's plan for some families! However, I hardly believe it is God's will as often as it is man's comfortable desire.

It sounds like, by the above argument, I lean towards quiver full. I admit that this is something that I struggle with. I refuse to get to heaven and have Jesus tell me that he had planned for me to have one more son, who would grow up and become a missionary to Papua New Guinea and reach hundreds of souls for Him. I refuse to have him tell me that he intended for me to have 2 daughters who would be mighty witnesses, and themselves would mother a few children who were to minister the gospel in desperate times. All because I was too caught up in my own comfort and agenda. All because I had a lack of belief in God's word that clearly states he provides for his children, AND their children. ( For I have never foreseen the righteous forsaken, or their children begging bread.) All because I felt I was incapable of handling that sort of "high stress" atmosphere.

I must say, Danny is not into the quiver full thing at this point. (maybe some of you are breathing a sigh of relief ;)) I am not saying that is where I am either. I only know that the God I put my faith in as a little girl- is way bigger than we allow him to be most of the time. Instead of denying the truth- I don't mind calling my lack of trust what it is exactly. Mind as well not flower things up and act overly spiritual, when I may have some selfish ambition in heart.

The one thing I do know, is the more we trust him, the more he blesses our socks off. The more we are willing to surrender, the more he shows us that he has our good, and his glory in mind.

I know this is a harsh post because it may step on some people's views regarding children. I in no way intend to offend anyone- I am only writing what has been on my heart.