Life Resolutions

I am making some changes. They are badly needed. Sometime over the last few months I have gotten back into some terrible eating, and lazy behavior. I feel terrible about myself when I fall into this sort of thing. I am the kind of person that is either progressing in life, or feeling some serious regression. What I mean by that is, I am very goal oriented. If I am not working towards something better in most areas of my life, than I am no doubt working towards something worse. Camping out, and chilling makes me feel just as terrible as turning around and going backwards.

I have learned something in my mere 6 years of parenting. There is no room for laziness. Especially with two children (and def not 3!). It might have worked out when it was just Josiah and I, to have a fly by the minute day. But it doesn't work now. That's for sure! Everybody suffers when I get slack in personal tasks, or family related ones.When I am lazy in responding to bad habits and actions out of the boys...it accelerates at phenomenal speed. Crazy how we have to work on saying 'Yes Maim' for two years, but bad behavior seems to catch on and become practiced at every possible opportunity, in a flash! All that being said, the kids have been super lately. No problems as of now. But they come on quickly when I am having a tired day.

Instead of denying the facts. I am determined to get to the root of the problem. I am lazy at times, (which shows itself in sometimes neglecting important issues...namely PRAYER, reading of the Word of God) because I am tired. I am tired because I have gotten into the habit of staying up way too late. I am also tired because I have gotten to the point of being one of the worst eaters I know. NOW, don't get me wrong. I have always been the girl who loaded up her burrito to the point it won't wouldn't even shut. I come from a family of big eaters. The ones where the girls compete with the boys on ice cream and hot dog eating challenges. I love food. I struggled with being chubby most of my adolescence. I have gotten a grip more as an adult when I became determined to lose weight put on during pregnancy. I still struggle with being consistant.

1) Change my Eating habits

 I have always loved veggis, but I add in PLENTY of terrible things to compliment my healthy food. Especially lately. Portion control is such a foreign term to me, that when I see what is considered a normal portion on someone else's plate, I immedietly suspect they aren't feeling well, or suffer from anorexia. Seriously. I almost would rather not eat than not be completely full when my meal is over! Go out to eat and not leave stuffed?! Why?! I would rather just stay home and rice cakes!

Okay, enough of that. I have just come to terms with some things lately. If I plan on having, like, 13 children, ;), and/or being a healthy active parent with the kids I have now, then I better seriously get on the ball. Healthy eating, including portion control and ONE dessert rather than everything offered at the Ryan's buffet, (you think I'm kidding) cannot be acceptable for me. Ever. It's one thing to be a tired woman of healthy size from working hard fulfilling what I am called to do. It's another thing to allow myself to get really overweight and staying worn out all the time from bad eating and no self control! The crazy thing is, most of the brief times that I have cut back to normal portions, weight comes off quickly. Why is this so hard for me? My typical healthy eating sprees go as follows: I am a food Nazi on myself and then give myself some deadline to really blow it.  (that means, to me- a whole pizza and bucket of ice cream lol) Then my blow it days become more frequent, until I see that I am gaining rapidly and try to get back on it. Or I end up getting pregnant and let loose my reigns a little. Then I feel the need to really blow it for nine months. Not completely true, but close.

I want to get it into my stubborn head, that I need to change the way I think about food. If emotional eating is eating when you feel down, than I am am the Heracles of emotional eaters. When I am feeling blah- a blizzard seems like the greatest thing in the world. When I am feeling happy, a Sonic Super Value Meal seems the best way to top it all off. Every good occasion should revolve around an awesome meal, in my mind.

I want to eat healthy normal portions of food. For life. No blow it days (as I know them, anyway) There...I said it. Phew. I know God can and will help me with this. After all, self control is a fruit of the Spirit. I never really have trusted Him for this. Now I am. That all being said, I am going to be harder on myself for the next couple of months to get rid of some of these bad habits. After that, I am going to teach myself to be happy with one piece of pie. I refuse to let food be such a stronghold for me. Yes, it is to be enjoyed. In moderation.

2) I want to incorporate a daily form of excersise that is stick withable..lol, and start my mornings early again to fit it in-

I quit running about 2 1/2 months ago because I became so burdened by that task hanging over my head every day. It was a burden because I had grown to hate it, and found difficulty fitting it into my day. Partly because my early mornings have grown less and less early...until I am peeled off the sheets like a pancake in a pan without a little non-stick agent. Isaac usually is the "spatula" who comes and scrapes me out of uncontiousness at somewhere close to seven. That gives me a rushed morning of trying to get going on school! Call me old fashioned, but for me, sleeping in is another thing that makes me feel extremely lazy. (unless it is sleep that is needed do to circumstances beyond my control- ie: sick children, etc)

I plan on walking about 5 days a week- while listening to some good uplifting music! Oh yeah. If I feel like doing something different for exercise, or skipping here and there- No biggie. Exercise shouldn't be a stronghold. After all, Paul said it profits little. It's sole purpose should be helping me to feel better and be more efficient for the more important tasks of my life. I also see it as an extension of my morning prayer time. Exercise becomes torture for me when it is driven only by my desire to "look" better. It is like a ball and chain. When it's to feel better, it is enjoyed.

Please understand that I am listing these things as a faith declaration. I have not mastered them! But want to!

3) I want to find fun 'in the house' things for our family to do together

Not just movies...but games and stuff. I want to plan a time in the evening for us to enjoy each other in this way.

4) I want to be kinder. I want to respond to Danny and the boys out of love and patience, and not the opposite during a frazzled moment.

5) I want to let knowing Jesus more, consume me once again. Jesus is my passion. He is my reason. I want to start every day faithfully reading his word and praising Him.

6) I want to take God at His word. Not how I feel. Not how I think things look. It's called faith, and I want mine to grow.

7) I want to become a prayer warrier. I miss the sweet refreshing presence of God, when I am away from it. I need those living waters flowing over me all day, and filling me up each morning. Life has a way of taxing time, and making this feel impossible. I think that is just another excuse I have accepted- and I want more of God in my life! I want to pray until something changes. I want to pray for my children more...but also for so many others. I want prayer to become my main thought throughout my day. I need God. I need his help every minute.

I want the upcoming year to be a year of marked change in my life for the better. While a un-eventful year usually means no troubles, I want a very eventful year of growth in Jesus. I need Jesus to make it through this life. I need Jesus to be able raise Godly children. I need Jesus to help me let go of some things that aren't good for me. Lord help me.

Our refreshed morning routine-

(Day 1) has gone great! When Isaac came into my room this morning- he had a huge, surprised smile on his face! It was as if he was shocked to find me on the treadmill, instead of in the bed! )

This photograph is of a trained actor and is merely a reproduction of the actual event.

Amaus loved the new morning routine. We got to all have breakfast as a family, and then turned on some good beats while I cleaned the kitchen. Amaus really broke it down. He is a dancing machine!