Sometimes my heart aches...

After only 7 months into our journey to adopt, I can already admit that this is not a pursuit for the faint at heart. Danny and I can talk for hours now, about all of the miracles God has worked. I'm not sure my faith has ever been stretched in the ways it has in the last 7 months. Things that are completely impossible and out of reach for us have been handed to us time and time again. We have seen the Body of Christ rally around us and encourage us, pray for us, BE EXCITED with us. People have sacrificied to give us money, and time to help us fund raise to bring our daughter home from Peru.

Why does one begin the trying path of adoption? Why does someone sacrifice thousands of dollars to adopt from somewhere thousands of miles away? It is soley an act of God. A response to an aching hunger within to sooth the cry of the fatherless that is ringing so loudly, worldwide.

When Danny and I were confident of God's leading, we had no savings account to pay for the approximate $25,000.00 that it was going to cost. In fact, we have no savings account at all. God always provides above and beyond for our family, and we are confident in our ability to provide for more children, but we do not have any bank account set up for us for a rainy day. Jesus has promised to provide all that we need- and he has NEVER failed us. We live an ABUNDANT life with our family and friends. We are even able to travel to neat places with our kids and I am a stay at home mom. But we do this by budgeting and not blowing excessive money on vehicles and other money holes. Nonetheless, for us to save for a venture like adoption would take us many years. God has provided everything we have needed up to this point, and we know He will continue to.

I have been stretched in so many ways, as I have waited on various approvals by an adoption agency, social workers, and now the US government. Honestly, the standards they have for a family of five (soon to be six) are in the iffee zone for us. We continue on in faith and trust that God will direct, provide and bless as we submit to His leading. I feel like I am fighting daily with my faith right now. I run from anxious thoughts of whether the agent reviewing our paperwork believes we're adequete, to once again standing on the calling we cannot deny God has put within us. I am fighting the good fight of faith, because that is what I believe God has told me to do.

Danny seems to find it simple to trust, and he tells me, "Stop looking for problems. Trust. God is working this out." I am continually reminding the part of me that begins to reason and look and worry, of all of the miraculous things God has done- all of the direct words He has given. None of these could be coincidences, even in the hardest reaches of human reasoning. They are miracles. Why on earth would God lead us this far and leave us hanging?! No way. I will stand on His WORD, when I am ready for an end to the waiting and an end to the paperwork. I will stand on His WORD when Satan reminds me of how inadequete we are for this task. I will stand on His WORD when the figures just don't add up...when we are required something we can't meet. I will stand on HIS WORD when I still have a minimum of $17,000.00 to raise. I'm going to keep standing, for a little girl in Peru who is waiting to call me mommy.
A FEW of the promises God has given me:
JUNE 20th, 2010
Take this Child and nurse him for me, and I will give you your wages. Exodus 2:9
(The scripture God gave me out of my daily light devotion book. It is made up of only scriptures. In brokeness I prayed for God to show us how to pay for this adoption, opened to that day's devotion, June 15th- and read the above scripture, along with so many others. The rest of the devotion is below.)
Go into the vineyard, and whatever is right I will give you. Whoever gives a cup of cold water to drink in My name, because you belong to Christ, assuredly, I say to you, he will by no means lose his reward. The generous soul will be made rich, and he who waters will also be watered himself. God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love...in that you have ministered to the saints, and do minister.
Each one will receive his own reward according to his own labor.
"Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and take you in, or naked and clothe You?" And the King will answer and say to them, "...Inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me." Come you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.

And the scriptures the Lord gave me the other morning as I was teetoring on the see-saw of faith and fear:

You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3...and so many others:
"Why are you fearful, O you of little faith?" Matthew 8:26
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will gaurd your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phillippians 4:6-7

And the miracle God worked recently: A few weeks back, I just felt so burdened that I should be praying earnestly for our paperwork to get through USCIS speedily. On the day I called to check it's status, I just took my pen and counted up two weeks on my calendar, and wrote "Receive USCIS biometric apt" on January 11th. I knew that would be a miracle, since they had just received it at the main office only days before. What a joy when I opened my mailbox on Tuesday, January 11th to find the envelopes inside with our appointments for this upcoming Thursday. Only God could do that. He did it. .................................."Why are you so fearful, O you of little faith?"........................................................

I guess my heart aches tonight, as I am beginning to long for resolve; Or at least a resolve within sight.But that wouldn't be faith. I am simply longing to live, without deadlines to meet, papers to fill out, and without feeling like I am being reviewed. I long to tuck my little girl into bed and tell her of all of the miracles God worked for us to bring her home.  I long to sit around the table with my children and for my sons to see their sister they have prayed for every day since May- at least three times a day-sitting and laughing with them. Until then, we will continue fighting the fight of faith, to bring our little girl home.