Holding Me Up

I often wonder how so many people can possibly survive without the Word of God in their lives. I can't imagine walking through trials and turmoil and clinging to my own thoughts and assurances merely hoping and wishing that things might pan out.
The Word of God has become like a glue to me. It holds me together when I want to fall apart. It's the elastic that might allow me to stretch to maximum capacity, but will not break. It is the safety bar that catches me when I feel life's roller coaster going for another loop. Just when I experience that 'bottom floating off of the seat' phenomenon, the bar catches me and I hang on to it for dear life until I'm right side up again.
After the disappointing news at the Immigration office today, Marisa went to check on something and I put Camila in the little, blue polka dot, umbrella stroller we are using, and paced up and down the room with her. The room is set up like a US DMV, but just larger.
I really did want to be very upset (on top of the serious disappointment) but it was as if certain scriptures just kept hitting me in time to hold me up. It felt like right when I got to the brink of being shoved over a cliff, I'd be yanked back to safety again at the remembrance of God's promises.
As I paced back and forth at immigration, two scriptures kept coming to me. One of them, the Lord hit me with at the very beginning of our adoption process.
"The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace." Exodus 14:14
I thought and thought on this verse as I strolled. I know the Lord is fighting on our behalf, but I have to hold my peace. I have to be still. I have to hang on and let Him do the fighting.
It reminds me so much of labor and childbirth. In natural childbirth, especially when a mom gets to the transitional point in labor and the contractions step it up to an extremely intense level, it's very crucial to stay focused. If the mind ever allows itself to step over into the zone of complete distress and the thought that it just can't go on, it's very difficult to regain focus again. But when the mind is determined and focused on the knowledge that the intensity only means the process is almost complete and the reward is soon to follow, it's bearable. It really is so much about surrender, in childbirth. Not being tense, and fighting the contractions, which actually slows down the process, but surrendering to each one with the knowledge that a great blessing will soon come to pass. It's choosing to "hold your peace".
That's how I feel right now. Fighting these things that I have absolutely no control over, I know, will be pointless. It will be more painful. I can't lose my focus. I just can't. My focus is Jesus, and while all the torrent might be rushing over me, the Word of God is able to hold me up.
So, since I know that God is taking care of the, "Fighting", I'm striving to take care of the, "holding my peace". (lol)
The other scripture that God hit me with about a year ago is from psalms.
It was another one that was holding me up today.
As for God, His way is perfect. The Word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him. Psalm 18:30
The way that God has led us throughout this adoption process has been astounding. It has been like having Jesus Himself draw out a map that told us where and how to go at every turn. We had to wait at a few forks in the road to know whether right or left were best, but He has never left us hanging. The path that God forges for His people is flawless. Flawless doesn't always mean easy, attractive or preferred. It's always perfect though. Perfect for His glory; Perfect for our good.
God's promises have never failed. Never. It's proven itself in my own life, and in all of God's Word. No one who chooses to TRUST the Lord will be sorry they did. (Not try, or give a trial- but TRUST. ie: surrender to Him) There is truly no where else to hide, other than behind the Lord, during a gust of trials and tribulations. He takes the fore-wind for us, and shields us as we hover behind Him until it ends. We may have to repeat the same scriptures over and over while we hover. We may have to tell ourselves a million times a day that it will soon be over and there will be something wonderful at the end. That's okay.
It will surely, surely pass. God's Word said so, and it's never failed.
(Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. Psalm 34:19)
I don't know the reason why I'm still in Peru.
Marisa, our in country rep, says she has never seen a birth certificate take this long. There are new rules about obtaining birth certificates in Peru. These rules are not meshing well with foreign adoptions. We are a sort of guinea pig for foreign adoption and this new way of getting a birth certificate, here. Because of the kinks we have experienced, the governmental minister of adoption is already working on a plan with the Reniac to settle these kinks for future families.
Danny is contemplating coming back to Peru to be with me as we wait for this birth certificate. He is sad for me, and it, no doubt, would be awesome to have him here. I just feel like it's so much money to spend for moral support and we really have no idea what will happen or when. If he does decide to come, my mom has volunteered to come relieve Danny's parents this weekend, who have been keeping the boys every day while Danny is at work.
I miss my boys so terribly.
Two people are working on getting an ID card issued tomorrow. That normally takes one month, but they are trying to help us. With the ID card we can get the passport. The current birth certificate we have is fine for the US embassy. It's Peruvian Immigration who will not accept the birth certificate we now have that is still without the seal.
We will see what happens tomorrow with the ID card. We have to receive it in the morning for there to be any chance of me coming home this weekend. The embassy, we found out, will indefinitely take 24-48 hours to issue the visa. If we can get the ID card early, head to get the passport, and make it to the embassy for tomorrow afternoon, then we could possibly have the visa in hand Friday evening. I can come home after that.
If we do not have the ID card tomorrow morning, everything rolls over to next week.
Camila is doing so, so well. She was super today. She is talking more and more. She now says, "Amen", after we pray at meals, and will repeat many words on the spot. (Car, off, bye bye, and many others)
She has just danced and sang all day long. She pretty much follows any direction you give her in Spanish, and is learning some in English. (Pick up your shoes. Let's clean up the toys. Let's go to the bathroom. Let's go bye-bye...wash our hands...take your medicine, etc) She heads in the direction you tell her and begins trying to do what you ask.
I've been working with her on eating since we've been at the Ardiles' home. She was first shoveling handful after handful in her mouth and would throw tantrums if you tried to help her with a spoon or make her wait even one second. She also would try to wonder around the room and snatch a handful off of other people's plates! Haha!
Now she sits in her chair and waits until we are finished praying. She is learning to not have to hold food in each hand but (Uno pro uno), eat one thing at a time. She does well with that.
Tonight she used a spoon at her own will without me coaching her the entire time. She was proud and wasn't snatching at food or angry if she needed a tiny bit of help.
Camila is doing great using the potty and typically only having about one accident a day. That's usually my fault due to me forgetting to bring her to the potty for too long of a spell. :/ Ooops.
We have been lining up some doctor visits for Camila for when we get home. We have her scheduled to see one of the best pediatric neurologists in the country at the end of May, (who is in New Orleans) where she will likely have all of these tests that were done here in Peru, re-done.
It's really pretty amazing to see her progress. We've only known her for four and a half weeks, and she just isn't the same little girl.
Today she was really shining and I was one proud mama. I love this little Peruvian sweetheart to pieces. <3
Buenos Noches, amigos!
(Sorry I don't have any more photos tonight. If I use photos on my blog, they have to come from my phone. Ahem. Please pause for a moment of silence in remembrance of dear, dear canon rebel who gave up the shutter ghost in Iquitos. It's just not fun blogging on my phone. It's very slow, and almost impossible to edit when I find those bazillion errors later. So I can blog much faster on the iPad. No guarantees on the errors though. ;) I'll post pics tomorrow!)