There are so many parallels that God is opening up my eyes to, that are dealing with what goes on in the process of adoption, compared to what goes on in my walk with Him. It's amazing how, as we grow in Christ, we have hurdles, growth, and fall backs- but His unchanging love is always pushing us forward, drawing us on, forever constant.
Yesterday I took Camila to the pediatrician to get her speech and occupational therapies set up. It has been about a month and a half since I was there last, and the doctor commented on how much progress she could see in Camila during that short amount of time.
Danny and I spent a while reminiscing over these things late last night. When we first met Camila, there were many behaviors she had (sucking her fingers to the point of having callous looking blisters on the roof of her mouth, eating ravenously with handfuls at a time, constantly keeping her head down when she walked, hiding her face under her arm, listening to and responding to no instructions at all in Spanish or English, wearing diapers, throwing big tantrums, hollering and hitting people and herself when she wanted things she couldn't have) and we weren't sure of their root. Were these issues we wouldn't see resolved, and that were permanent? Were these issues that were caused by her lack of interaction with people while being kept in a crib? Were these behaviors caused by the large adult sized dose of sedatives and antipsychotics that she had been unnecessarily prescribed?
Regardless, we knew one thing. She was our precious daughter. God began this adoption process in such miraculous ways, led us forward by His glorious hand, and we knew He wasn't going to leave us now.
We began to discover, though, that the more she was taught, interacted with, and loved- the more she began to respond, even while still on these major drugs. The more she was prayed over, and the more we heard so many other people crying out for our little girl, the more progress we began to see. And as she began to come off of the meds, it was absolutely astounding! She began to respond to instructions. She began to listen. She began to show maturity about a year beyond what she did at our first meeting. Camila began to repeat some words, and she grew in her connection with us.
After about three months now, she is so very different. Now when she wants something, she says, "Please" without being told to. She is now willing to repeat any words we ask her to, any time we ask her to. She is constantly attempting to say new words. She now knows her boundaries and knows, even when a door is open leading outside, or to another room if we are in an office, etc, that she can't just take off running away from us. Occasionally she will attempt to sneak through an open door, but this is a huge change from her running away through one automatically at lightening speed, every. single time. She walks beside us wherever we go. She willingly holds our hand. If we ask her not to go near something, or to stay in a certain area to play, she does. She sits at the table and eats with a fork or spoon. She waits on us to finish praying to eat. She tells us every single time she needs to go potty. She brings us books to read to her. She loves to be rocked and doesn't look away with wandering eyes, but stares straight into our eyes in the sweetest way.
Camila is a focused child, and she understands. We have a great miracle staring us in the face. God alone has done this work.
Some of the changes we have seen in Camila are constant. Meaning, she has dropped prior behaviors and never even attempts them anymore. Other behaviors, we know, she only has dropped for the sake of pleasing us, and when we're around. If we leave the room for a minute and she is left for others to watch her, she will immediately began attempting to go back to some of her old behaviors if she believes someone will respond to her if she does. Food is a big one of these issues. She has learned that she can't go around taking everyone's food, or begging for food from people. If she is hungry we always give her her own plate of food, and seconds if we think she wants/needs them. After that though, at times, she will want more food, but she certainly doesn't need it. So if we step out of the room for a minute, she will begin running around trying to take/ or beg others for food. This is something we are teaching her she can't do. But technically, if we leave the room, she will revert back to doing it indefinitely.
There are other issues like this. Things that I know Camila has changed merely because we want her to, but the true heart of the matter is much, much deeper. Food for instance, must have not been abundant, or Camila would not feel such an urge to do whatever she has to to eat to the point of being sick. It's a challenge for us, because although we know the issue is much deeper, we still have to teach her she can't go up and take people's food.
In these instances, we realize we are really only scratching the surface. We are teaching her that she can and can't do certain things, but only consistent love, and a work of God by faith will establish these things as truth in her heart. These things certainly take time- but it's the Spirit of God alone that can, and will complete the work that He began.
Camila is our beloved daughter. She had a rough start at life, and there is baggage that comes along with that. But the great news is...the Lord has the power to clear away that baggage to the point that it's as if it never was even there to begin with. As a parent, I am understanding a little more each day what a great responsibility is on my shoulders to stand in faith for all of my children to walk out their lives with victory.
At times, we all feel like we are merely scratching the surface in parenting. Like we are sure that on the surface our kids know what we hope and expect of them, but on the inside, the idea isn't really sinking in.
In recent weeks, one of our sons in particular, has not been very honest when it comes down to confrontation and whether he did or did not do certain things. We are constantly telling him that there are repercussions to lying, and that the truth is always the best choice. We have told him things about this from God's Word, and he knows there will be more trouble if he chooses not to tell us the truth.
As I was dwelling on this new thing that has come up the other day, God reminded me of how He has promised to bring about change that might seem impossible and hopeless. It's simply by faith. The mountains are moved when we stand and believe in FAITH.
How do we stand in faith? The only way we can really stand in faith is to know indefinitely what God wants and has promised. It doesn't really matter what I want or think I deserve (haha), what matters is what God has said. If God has said it- we can believe it as fact, pray on it, and EXPECT it to come to pass. If I grab in the dark and think of something I think I want, but have no idea what God wants for my life or what His Word says about it, I can't truly have faith that God will bring it to pass. What I have said doesn't move anything, much less heaven and earth. I can make up anything, and never see it happen, even if I think it would be something great and positive. What God has said is absolute fact. When I make the choice to believe what the Lord has plainly said, above my circumstance or trial, I am trusting. I am telling Jesus that I trust Him and His Word above all else. This is the place where mountains surely begin to move.
I know that God desires each person to live in victory. I know, according to His word, that He loves my children more than I ever could, and He has more planned for their lives than can be thought of or imagined. I know that He desires them to live a fruitful life, following Him and pouring themselves out for His purposes. I know those things as fact. I can stand on them and believe them.
This new epiphany that Jesus has hit me with, is that merely speaking the expectations out to my kids or creating consequences for their actions are necessary, but standing and believing in faith is what establishes the issue fully in their hearts. That I can continue to "scratch the surface" with my attempts at changing outside behaviors, but the issues are really pushed under the rug to come out later.
Moving past scratching the surface, means believing God for the hearts of my kids at each trial. Simply, trusting God, what He has said, and praying that for my children at each new problem and phase. There will be plenty of these trials and phases in raising kids. There will be new hurdles and new things to overcome.
I have always prayed for my children and what God desires for their lives. But there is real power in seeing what God's Word says about each present situation and praying and believing that over the current circumstance. It's where we learn to believe and trust. It's where we begin to see miracles.
God is faithful, and His word is TRUTH. I do not desire to create a pretty picture with outwardly smiling children that live out these truths in my presence yet do not grasp the rewards of following Jesus in my absence. I desire God's best for their lives. My desire is for them to reap the fruit and rewards of choosing the straight and narrow. My desire is for them to fulfill the abundant life that Jesus gives to all who will trust Him.
There have been so many times that I have scratched the surface on my own issues. I have attempted to fix my thoughts, words, and problems by sheer determination. Undoubtedly, in the moment of temptation and when the heat steps it up a notch, I fail in my own efforts. But when I surrender the situation to the Lord, believe His Word, and cling to it...the thing is indefinitely defeated. These results have never failed in my own life since I came running home to Jesus at 15 years old. It has worked time and time again and has never failed. I know it will continue to, since I am a mere human who has new issues that need dealing with as God brings them to my attention.
For now, for me, this means that I am searching God's Word for what He has to say about things. I am searching God's Word for scriptures on peace, walking in truth, and defeating insecurity and fear. I am praying and standing on these promises for my family.
I am thankful for the promises that make it plain, that it's in the realm of faith that true change is found. Because in myself, in my children, in my day to day, I never desire to clean up the surface while neglecting the true heart of the matter. Because, scratching the surface just never gets the job done. Believing God and trusting Him, always does.
Romans 10:11
For the scripture says,
"Whoever believes in Him will never be disappointed."
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