Do you ever wonder where you're going to end up? What will life look like in 10 years? In 20? I sure find myself pondering what the upcoming years will be like for me and for my family on a regular basis!
Several years back, I was going on a morning jog. I had only two little boys at the time and I went for a run most mornings. This particular morning I was feeling very down about some events that had just unfolded in my life.
For the previous four years I had really poured myself into getting better at playing my guitar, and had been writing music. God had given me many songs, and I had been playing with a band. It was one of the funnest and most rewarding times of my life. We were able to travel around and share the love of Jesus and play music at various youth conventions, camps, and churches. It was amazing to be used in that way and to stay so busy doing what I loved!
Then, just like that...it all came to an end abruptly. The band dispersed to different parts of the state, and it was over. There were no problems, the Lord was just moving all of us in opposite directions and it was clear that it was time to close that chapter and go forward.
I found myself disappointed, nonetheless. What had God given me all of those songs for, anyway? Why? I had spent the previous years pouring myself into something that I thought would go forward for many more years, and it all had come to a screeching halt. The whole time I had been delighted with the idea of continuing this service, even consumed with it; for it only to stop seemingly overnight.
I jogged and prayed and cried, wondering what would come of it all. I cried out to God asking what was going to come of my life?
"What direction am I even heading in," I prayed, feeling more confused than ever about a vision or path for my life.
The Holy Spirit began to whisper to my heart in the gentle way that's customary when the Lord is trying to show me the truth. Anyone else could have pointed out the obvious flaws in my thinking, and I would have cast it aside...but I knew that it was GOD who was gently dealing with me about my heart and my surrender, and everything in me had to pause, and receive it.
Instantly, what I needed was planted in my spirit.
"It's never a waste to pour out your life for My sake. You leave the results to Me. You don't worry about the end result or your expected outcomes. Anytime my children pour out their lives for me, I make something beautiful out of their surrender."
All of the sudden, it all made perfect sense. An astounding peace flooded away my previous sadness and confusion.
I began to stand on knowing that according to God's Word, he was working out all things for my good and His glory. I knew that He had called me to lay my life down as a living sacrifice. I knew that He would continue to lead me where He wanted me, and that was FAR better than anywhere I could lead myself in my greatest dreams and fantasies of what 10 and 20 years ahead would look like for my life.
Paul said this to the Corinthian church in 2 Corinthians 12:15:
I will most gladly spend and be spent for you; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved.
He was willing to totally spend his life...spend it all away, for the sake of showing others who Jesus really was. Even without reward. Even in persecution. Even though the people might not have appreciated his tireless time and work. He was willing to pour out all he had anyway.
And what better way could one live?
When we are willing to surrender ourselves entirely to the hands of the great potter, we are allowing Him to form us however He desires. Where is He taking us? What is He making us to be?
Sometimes it's very clear, and sometimes we just have to walk by faith knowing the outcome is going to be beautiful when He's given the reigns. I don't have to have it all figured out. He does, and as He balances the universe and calls each star out by name, He's also making sure I'm walking right where He wants me; right where I'm the most useful for Him, and ultimately, the most satisfied.
He knows. I don't have to.
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